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/ 12:08 am / 20 November 2011 / - / hiiii diary you are the only plave i can come to to say hi i got really drunk tonihgt and stuff is bullshit and stuff my brain is ruingn my marriage wha tht efuck that other diary i made got messed up cause i think i set a setting wrong or something because it got stuck on one entry and it was a silly embarassing one tooand i couldnt figure out how to fix it so i deleted it. i will use this diary when i feel like it, its not like i use it all the time or whatever. o anyway never mind that stuff. i just have to act more normal and not be crazed about making everyting be just right and having everything be my idea because it is obviously impossibale. i just feel like i am the wife and that means i have certain jobs and jkeeping a nice house is the main one, and i do what i can but also i don't do much on work nights becase that sucked already all day, you know. but its not like anyone is making me think that, i am doing it on my own. it would be one thing if my husband expected it, or my mother-in-law, or whoever, but they are not like that at all. i am trying to make myself be what i think is right.. and not even doing it, and it is causing frustration. which is compeltely unecessary and makes dialy life more miserable. sp i know i have to stop. i also cant make decisions, likei feel like its ultimately my husbands chice because the house is "his" and the money is "his" but i'm the one making myself think that way. its not him at all. ilife would be so much easier if i could stop being so uptight and just let stuff happen, and stop saying every fucking dumb thing that comes to my mouth. don't let that stuff come out sometimes, come on. think fist. okay i'm over this, diary, good night. |
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